You think you’re waiting for help. For someone to tell you what the right thing to do is. Even though, at the back of your mind, you already know what that is. So all you’re really waiting for, is a time when you’re forced to do it.
When you finally understand what it meant, the truth will leave your lips. Not as words. But a sound at the back of your throat.
You will hear it and no one else will, like your soul wears headphones and only it can hear the music.
If it was easy, everyone would do it. But it's not. Which is why it's up to you.
I feel guilty for not feeling guilty.
I don't know if it is suppose to be so easy. Are we meant to block out things we know we cannot deal with? Is it our mind and body's way of defending itself - much like how the brain produces adrenaline in times of fear and panic or when the body produces antibodies for a virus each time we are infected with a new one?
Is this my mind's way of telling me: you can't deal with it?
so don't deal with it, lock it away so that we won't need to suffer a breakdown.
Other people need you, your job needs you, your beau needs you, your friends need you.
You don't need you. You just contort and follow in everyone's plan and then it will be fine. Because of this, you will have multiple backup plans - you'll never be alone.
I hate feeling like I don't care. Because I do, because I want to care. I want to feel that I'm living for myself. And the sad part, is that I don't care enough (or at least my mind says I don't) to even do that.
I feel guilty for not feeling guilty.
